“Seasoned” Motivational Speaker’s Packing Day

My “younger” friend and colleague, motivational speaker, Kelly Swanson, posted HER packing list for when she hits the road.  And while her list made me laugh, it also ticked me off.  Where were all the scotch tape and superglue items that I could NEVER leave home without?”  I can only bear to publish a partial list – so here goes:

  • Under eye cream that hides wrinkles
  • Under eye concealor that hides dark circles
  • Under moisturizer serum that hides blemishes
  • Under serum glop that tightens pores
  • Radiant super cover foundation makeup that hides everything
  • Super duper rich body lotion for cracked, scary, dry skin
  • Latisse to lengthen wimpy eyelashes
  • Visine to get the flippin’ red out
  • Spot acne treatment (ACNE! For crying out loud!!!)
  • Tweezers to pluck surprise hairs that appear out of nowhere
  • Bra that lifts and separates
  • Panties that suck & tuck
  • Half body shaper that compresses fat
  • Full body shaper that compresses the fat that the half body shaper just redistributed
  • Soft-Walk black “dress” shoes (I use this term SO loosely)
  • Foam rubber pads to put IN the Soft-Walk black dress shoes to protect bunyons & neuromas
  • Fluffy black “old person” shoes to put on the moment I get off stage
  • Fiber (portioned into little pastic baggies for daily use)
  • Melatonin for when I wake up in the middle of the stupid night in a cold sweat
  • Progesterone cream (so I don’t sweat at night)
  • Estrogen patch (so I don’t sweat on stage)
  • Estrogen pills (so I don’t sweat on general principles)
  • Eye cover to block out the blinding light from under the hotel room door
  • Ear plugs to block out drunken guests out in the hall at 2 a.m. who can’t find their room.
  • My own special bed pillow so I don’t wake up with a neck ache.
  • 600 thread count pillow case for said foam rubber pillow
  • Tempurpedic back cushion for the plane
  • Neck pillow for the plane
  • Latest business book for the plane (that I won’t actually GET to)

Okay, I have sufficiently depressed myself now and am not going to tell you any more.  Besides I have to go to the store. I’m out of antacid pills.

From your seasoned, wrinkle-free, happy footed, comfy motivational speaker, Linda Larsen, packed and ready to go

 

About

Motivational Speaker Linda Larsen, CSP has been described by meeting planners and audiences as "hysterically funny," and "riveting." Known for her ability to connect on an authentic and emotional level with audiences, her spontaneous sense of humor, and her engaging and powerful stories, Linda is passionate about sharing ideas to help people live their finest, best, and most productive lives. Her riveting and true story of being kidnapped and held hostage at gunpoint by an escaped convict, and the strategies she used to escape, will give people the tools THEY need to rise above any of life's toughest challenges, to communicate more effectively with THEIR difficult person, and to find creative solutions to THEIR problems. To book motivational speaker, Linda Larsen: 941-927-4700
http://www.lindalarsen.com

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Comments

  1. Okay, both posts made me howl. And our clients wonder why we have “checked baggage” fees!! This motivational speaker is still waiting to find the sexy black pumps that you don’t have to rip off the second you leave the stage. I’ve tried Ecco, Naturalizer, Easy Spirit, Sofft, and the list goes on…..still have to wrap my feet in enough Dr. Scholl’s products to open my own aisle in the drug store. Thanks for the funny post.

  2. Linda you crack me up! No wonder you are so good on stage as a motivational speaker – after all that packing anyone would be motivated!!!!

  3. I thought it was just THIS motivational speaker’s feet! OK, I’m thinking it’s time to redefine footwear on stage. What do you think ? Funny, LInda. LMMSAO (Laughed My Motivational Speaker’s A_ _ Off!

  4. Serious question: WHERE can I find the first 8 items on your list? + Waterproof mascara to help with the streaking when you make me laugh so hard!

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