Dear Tall Hipster with Hemp Knapsack,relate to deflate - Tami Evans

I’m the jerk from track 14.

You were in front of me during the cattle-car late-afternoon rush to board the mid-town direct to Dover. Track schedules were off, boarding was late and tensions were HIGH.  As we crushed onto the über narrow, impossibly slow escalator down to the track, the conductor called out those most terrifying words “LAST CALL” and that’s when it began.

People behind me yelled, “Hurry” and “GO!”   I willed the 20 people in front of you to walk instead of ride.  Miraculously, they began to shuffle down a little, opening up space in front of you…

Which you did not fill. 

I tried to energy-flow you to walk the last dozen steps down so I could sprint for the doors as someone yelled “they’re closing!”

You did not budge.

Here is what you did not know:  1) I am new to NYC commuting and I HAD to make that train to collect my son from school.  2) That I would try to squeeze my way past you as we neared the bottom of the escalator, nearly knocking you over in the process.

Here is what I did not know:  1) The train was not actually going to pull out of the station with so many people still trying to board.  2) There was a small elderly woman standing in front of you on the stairs.


You had every right to use those… um… colorful… words to express how you felt about me in that moment.  And even though no one was injured and I repeatedly uttered “I’msorryI’msorry” I still acted like a jerk, I felt like a jerk, I WAS a… jerk. 

I spent the next 10 minutes trying to locate you on the train so I could formerly apologize.  The bad news is, I could not find you.  The good news is this will never happen again. 

I spent the whole ride home contemplating what I could have done different… done better… how I could have walked my walk as a motivational speaker.  The easiest and most obvious answer:  I could have ASKED you! 

Like… duh, right?   It seems so simple, however, stress causes our bodies to disengage from our brains.  When stress pressure is building, and you feel like you are going to burst, remember these words:  RELATE to DEFLATE.

When you are in a stress mess, as your step ONE, turn to the cause and engage them in dialogue, ask or inform them about how you are feeling… nicely!  Not guaranteed, but it is a great place to start, it will work most of the time, and it sure beats being a… jerk.   

Within 5 seconds, you would have assured me the train would not leave without us.  So, Tall Hipster with Hemp Knapsack, I sincerely apologize. If we meet again, please let me buy you a black coffee and hear your spoken word perfomance.


A motivational work in progress



Motivational Speaker Tami Evans shares her energy, passion and humor to create an unforgettable experience for audiences. Recently appearing on The Dr. Oz Show (where she taught him to chair dance) Tami lives her belief that laughter is a vital part of learning. Her entertainment-based content celebrates and motivates participants, engages and empowers employees, creates communication cohesion, boosts confidence and busts stress! To book motivational speaker Tami Evans: 646-479-6686

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  1. Tami!  You are so funny!  Here's what I love about your message – not everything is as it looks. I thought you were going a completely different direction and then wham – exposure of what you did wrong.  I love how you pointed out what he didn't know and what you didn't know.  This is a great way to look at things when a potential conflict arises.  No wonder you are so good at being a motivational speaker – you are brilliant with your words delivered in a way we can ingest with humor and humility! Finally, the spoken word line at the end….priceless!!!!

  2. 4 years later she's finally saying "hi" to me.  My jerk moment was being behind a co-worker's wife in the check out lane.  She had about 10 items and I only had a cup of coffee to pay for and 10 minutes to get where I was going.  For some reason I thought I had exact change in my hand so I said, "Excuse me, can I just give the cashier my coffee money?", as I was acually reaching my hand out to said cashier.  Her startled look grew even darker when I handed my dollar bill over her groceries to the equally stunned cashier because, as it turns out, I DID NOT have exact change and it WAS NOT a simple matter of dropping and running.  He had to transact to give me my proper change!!  I totally barged in on a customer who also had to be to work in 10 minutes.  Ug!!  Fortunately I WAS able to see her again and apologize up and down (after I gushed my apologies at the time) and she was gracious enough to accept my apologies, as I'm sure your hipster would do.  Ugh!

  3. Oh Ms. Tami. How amazing are you. Thank you sharing this well-crafted story that is a POTENT reminder for me. I get in such a ridiculous hurry sometimes. And yes, sometimes I also feel very justified in rushing and pushing past people. But girl, you have made me stop and think. And here's the great thing about BLOGS. They are ongoing. Just like my need to be reminded of these things. I will not have a "BAM!!" moment where I get all this and I'll be healed for life.  I need to hear wise words like yours over and over and be contstantly reminded. Daily. I am so grateful that you are a part of this blog and I will benefit from your wisdom, your heart and your talents. THANK YOU!!!

  4. Tami, I just found this incredible post and am late to the party. You weave a story so beautifully and gently remind us of truth. We all make judgements without having a completely picture. I've been a jerk before without intent and it's the awareness that turns us in to kinder, more human, beings.

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