Nice Guys DON’T Finish Last…

…And neither do nice women.

There seems to be a group of people in business (and in life) who simply aren't nice. You know who they are. You've met them. Perhaps you work for them, or with them. Perhaps you listen to them speak. Perhaps they are your neighbor. Or perhaps you married one. In this moment, I want to talk about the people in business who are not nice. The ones who look over your head for someone better to talk to. The ones who look you up and down to assess your value – to them. The ones who are condescending and demeaning – who use their power as a sword over others. The ones who don't see the people who serve them – only the ones who have something they want. The ones who are convinced they are better – that they deserve more – the the world should bow as they pass. The hair flippers.

Being a motivational speaker, I see a lot of attitude. (Not to be confused with confidence. Confidence and haughtiness are two different things. You can still be confident and be nice.) I see a lot of people who have two faces – the one they show their "audience" and the one they show the ones they don't think matter. And I scratch my head wondering how they get to be so successful. Because I truly believe that mean people eventually get what they give. That mean people finish last.  And that if you seek to serve with love and grace – even from positions of high authority and prominence – then it will serve you well.

So if you're like me, and you are wondering if it's true that the nice guys finish last, let me just end with these thoughts:

1. Take a look at your friend who married the nice guy – and your friend who married the mean guy with lots of money. Who do you think won?

2. Think about a boss you had who was mean (most of us have had one), and think about one you had that was wonderful. Who did you work harder for? Who were you more loyal too? Who did you earnestly want to please? (Ever heard the adage "People don't quit jobs, they quit people?")

3. Think about the leaders you follow in life and in business. Do you pick mean ones or nice ones to follow? Who do you trust with your future?

4. Let's pretend that you are mean to everybody in your business/office/industry. And now you really need one of them to help you out. How likely are they to come when you call? Now let's pretend that you spend your life giving and helping and sharing your peers in your business/office/industry. Do you think they'll be there when you need them?

5. Let's assume that you are in a business that depends on having customers to keep going. Do you think your customers want you to smile at them, or ignore them? Who's going to get more business – the hateful sales person or the grateful one?

6. What if you had great prominence in your industry, and then yelled at the flight attendant for moving your bag, and suddenly hundreds of people are tweeting about it. Would that affect your business?

7. You're at a networking event, talking to somebody who has no possibility of  bringing you any business. Somebody better walks by, and you leave in midsentence. What you didn't know was that person you just snubbed, was about to send you business.

8. What if being mean and nasty – yelling and complaining – berating others and climbing on the backs of the little people actually had a negative impact on your health? What if angry people are more stressed?

9. What if there is somebody above watching everything you do? Somebody who thinks that everybody is equal, and you should love them all as yourself.  Somebody who saw you treat that person with disrespect. Do you think that matters?

10. People do business with people they like. And I have yet to like someone mean.

And last, but not least – what if they aren't as mean as you think they are? And perhaps you have wrongly judged?

Those are the thoughts on my mind today, as I fall into the pit of lamenting the injustice of mean people getting ahead. And so today I remind myself that nice guys do finish first – in the long run. And that being kind to others will pay off – but we don't do it to finish first. We do it just because that's who we are. And perhaps showing kindness even when it may not help you come in first, is really what it's all about. And maybe, just maybe, when we love we win.

 

Update as of 4/22/13: Seems that nice guys still come out on top. I'm seeing this play out over and over again in business and in life. So be nice

 

About

Motivational Speaker Kelly Swanson - called one of North Carolina's funniest women by Our State Magazine. Kelly lifts the spirits of audiences from coast-to-coast using humor, storytelling, and lives of the characters from Prides Hollow - Kelly's make believe small town. This unique approach to motivational speaking allows Kelly to break through communications barriers and connect directly to the audience's imagination.
Her powerful stories and wacky wit will make you laugh, remind you that you matter, show you how to see beyond your obstacles, and teach you how to stand up and stick out in a crowded market.
To book motivational speaker Kelly Swanson:
800-303-1049
Motivational speaker Kelly Swanson's website

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Comments

  1. Great. Now I have a comment on my OWN post! I’ve reached a new low. But here is an additional thought: Are people more likely to do what you want them to do when you shame them, or empower them?

  2. Empower. Loved this truthful post and shared on my FB business page. I truly believe nice guys are in an entirely different race altogether. My nice guy and I were just flapping our jaws about this subject this weekend. Thanks for putting your thoughts in such a beautiful, motivational manner that makes me want to be well….nice.

  3. You are welcome, Colette. And you needn’t worry for one moment. Niceness pours out of you in spades. It’s one of the things I admire about you most. You see the value in us all.  And you aren’t afraid to give everything you’ve got and share everything you know. It’s what makes you such a powerful motivational speaker. And such a rocking friend.

  4. I’m with you 100%, Kelly.  I had two grandmothers. Both whom I loved very much. One was rather mean – and one was REALLY nice.  They were both good people on a deep level, both doing the best they could. Both behaving in ways that they had learned. But let me tell you – I was AFRAID to go to mean Grandma’s house – and would do ANYTHING to go to nice Grandma’s house.   Nice Grandma’s finish first too.

  5. Motivational speakers aren’t the only people to recognize  this truth. When I was a kid, my father told me the same thing. He told me about guys he knew in business that moved up quickly using cut-throat tactics, only to crash hard in their careers with no one willing to send them a lifeline.

  6. This is a great post Kelly and one that I whole heartily agree with.  When not nice people finish first, I know it’s not a reflection of what’s right, it’s just that life is sometimes not fair.  So, I continue to strive to be nice to people all the time.  I would never want people to feel I didn’t honor them (like looking over their shoulder for someone ‘more important’.)  Like Colette, I’m going to re-post on my fan page.  Thanks for a great post!

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