As you may know, back in April I started a journey to a healthier new me. And I'm still on it. Sure, I've had setbacks. Sure, my habits are not Dr. Oz worthy. Yet. But at least I'm still moving forwards instead of backwards. And like all journeys, I recently hit a pothole where I lost my focus. Yes, it even happens to motivational speakers. Who knew we weren't perfect?
I've had many times in my life where I swore I would lose weight. Where I made my goal a number on a scale. And the results were always temporary. So this time I decided to try something new, believing the old adage that insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This time I decided that the number would not be my focus. That the number should not be my focus. That healthy living would be my goal. That I deserved to FEEL good. That to reach my dreams and step into the spotlight of my life, I needed a body that could keep up. My goal is a new lifestyle. The number – just a healthy side effect. I decided to measure my success by the formation of healthy habits instead of a count down to a number.
We're in August now, four months in, and I've lost my focus. Somehow that number has creeped in there again. I have slowly become obsessed by what the number was this morning – this afternoon – and what it will be tomorrow. Somehow I have started to measure my success based on what this number is today. And somehow my self-esteem has become directly related to this number. I'm sure it's normal, but it doesn't make it right. I have lost my focus and instead of keeping my eyes on the vision I created (a healthy lifestyle) I have been focusing on the distraction. And where we look is where we land.
But this time it's different. Because this time I'm aware. This time I'm holding up that negative habit and seeing it for what it is. This time I am rewriting that internal script to what it needs to be. This time I am going to let it go. RIGHT NOW.
And this post is me doing that out loud – to you – who, whether you know it or not, are holding me accountable to my dream of creating a healthy lifestyle. Today I celebrate that I no longer drink sodas – or when one sneaks in the guilt is so overwhelming I don't want to do it again. Today I celebrate the fact that kale has become a routine part of my nutrition. Today I celebrate that when I go out to dinner (which is often as I travel) I automatically head to the salad section – unless it's my cheat meal. Today I celebrate that working out is not such a despised event anymore. Today I celebrate that I think I can actually see a tiny muscle in my shoulder. Today I refuse to measure my results with a number. Today I refuse to compare myself to someone smaller. Today I refuse to even get on the scale. Today I look in the mirror and say, "What a beautiful life you are creating for yourself. These new habits will help you soar."
And today I look to you – or rather those of you like me who might be focusing on the number – and I ask that you believe you are beautiful inside and out – and that your worth has NOTHING to do with a number. Today I remind you that it's not about looking like a princess – but feeling like one. Today I remind you that where you look, is where you land.