Larsen’s Words That Don’t Work: “You’re Not Listening”

If you are engaged in a conversation and feel like the other person isn’t listening to you, resist the temptation to say, “You’re not listening!”  Believe me, they probably aren’t going to respond with, “Oh my gosh!  You are so right!  Why thank you for pointing that out.  I’ll just shut right up.”

Instead try something like this: “I don’t feel like I’m being heard.  Here’s what I need in order to make that happen.  I need 5 minutes to explain my perspective without any interruption. And I need your good eye contact.  And when I’m done I will give you my full listening as well.  Does this work for you?”

To be able to do this takes:

  •  Confidence
  • Belief in the value of what you have to say
  • A willingness to honestly entertain THEIR perspective
  • A willingness to let go of your need to be right

From your on-staff motivational speaker, Linda Larsen (who learned the hard way on this one)


Motivational Speaker Linda Larsen, CSP has been described by meeting planners and audiences as "hysterically funny," and "riveting." Known for her ability to connect on an authentic and emotional level with audiences, her spontaneous sense of humor, and her engaging and powerful stories, Linda is passionate about sharing ideas to help people live their finest, best, and most productive lives. Her riveting and true story of being kidnapped and held hostage at gunpoint by an escaped convict, and the strategies she used to escape, will give people the tools THEY need to rise above any of life's toughest challenges, to communicate more effectively with THEIR difficult person, and to find creative solutions to THEIR problems. To book motivational speaker, Linda Larsen: 941-927-4700

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  1. Linda, great advice. With my teens and sweetheart, I just stop talking and stare gently :-). They usually dial back in. I cut them slack as it must be challenging to always be living with a motivational speaker!

  2. I love this advice!  I’m assuming this will only work when the TV is off!

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