Cool Negotiation Trick for Women

Communication-Speaker-Colette-CarlsonAs a motivational speaker who teaches negotiation, I’m always surprised that some of the best female negotiators still find it challenging to negotiate on behalf of themselves. For example, female attorneys I’ve interviewed who think nothing of arguing million dollar cases for their clients, still hesitate asking for a pay raise, promotion, or even time off for themselves. Those that take the risk to ask mentioned they still find it awkward and uncomfortable. And those I spoke with weren’t right out of law school either. These were high-achieving women who were both senior in-house counsel for major corporations and partners in major firms. 

I get it. For the most part, women aren’t socialized to go to bat for themselves and are often judged when they do. Yet, no one is going to give us what we need to go get for ourselves. So, what should we do? Shift our thinking beyond ourselves.

Realize you’re representing others, and you’re more likely to negotiate assertively. For example, if seeking a raise, recognize that you’re negotiating on behalf of your family. Or if you’re closing a sale, then you’re negotiating on behalf of your company. Even if you’re entrepreneurial, you can negotiate on behalf of your assistant or vendor who will have greater security and income when you’re more successful.

When it’s more than your own welfare at stake, it will be easier to be both fair and firm. Perhaps if all women practiced this technique we could not only close the pay gap faster, but the gap that makes us hesitate in the first place.


Step into the Truth Booth, improve your life, and laugh along the way with funny motivational speaker Colette Carlson. How did she go from emotional coward and the Pizza Delivery’s favorite customer to #1 sales producer for sales legend Tom Hopkins and Brian Tracy, featured in Success Magazine, a 50 lb. weight loss, and inspiring audiences at Microsoft, Accenture, Pepsi, Boeing, and organizations worldwide? Visit her at or call 760-230-1212.

Colette founded Speak Your Truth, Inc. to share her success systems and inspire others to Think It! Speak It! Live It! Her tools and takeaways create authentic, long-lasting change in every aspect of your life. With a MA in human behavior, a successful business and 2 teenage daughters, Colette provides a unique combination of education, research, real-life experience, and heartfelt humor to motivate you with her high content programs. Improve your Communication Skills, Work-Life Balance, Sales, Leadership, Assertiveness, Negotiation…all wrapped in the genuine power of Speaking Your Truth.

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  1. Ooooh, I like this Colette!  I think women especially have a hard time with this.  Even me! I remember doing an event where the huge company only had half my fee and no travel included. It was a great event, and at the luncheon with the committee of 4 women, they told me how their company just purchased a company of 200 people for $1 Billion dollars. I let me frustration come out and I said "And they couldn't pay for my flight."  Part of that obviously was my inability to negotiate.  Thanks for the tip, I'll use it next time!

  2. Oh my gosh – awesome advice Colette!!!!!   Yes, I have found it easier to negotiate when I consider that I'm actually making a decision that will affect my whole family. The speaking is our family business – so when I sell myself short, I sell them short too!

  3. Oh really good perspective, Colette. It's merely a shift in thinking that can create a difference in our level of confidence – thus affecting how we communicate. I really like this and will definitely use it!

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